Oh! Hey there, guys! Remember me? The one who said she was going to write at least once a week? Yeah, I lied. I lied BIG TIME. Can you forgive me? Because I just don't know what I would do if we couldn't get past this...
Anyway, one & a half years and a baby girl later, I'm BACK. So let's chat, shall we? The topic I want to discuss tonight is one that is (unfortunately) very near & not so dear to me. And by very near, I mean ON MY BUTT. (I wanted to say ass, but I didn't... Oh, wait. Sorry, Mom!) That's right, friends... I CAN'T FIT INTO MY JEANS. There it is. There's the hard hitting issue I am dealing with right now. I know there is a small chance that other more important things are happing in the world, but I doubt it. And this is my blog, so I can do what I want.
"But Tiffany, you look so great in all of your Facebook/Instagram pictures!" DUH. Shoulders & up only, people! SHOULDERS & UP ONLY! I review each photo with the accuracy of a fighter pilot (You know, because they have perfect vision. Is that a horrible comparison?). Photos are tossed, lives are threatened, tears are shed... And then the chosen one is posted & presented as if it was just snapped on a whim. And then I appear to be pleasantly surprised with the lovely batch of compliments on how fabulous I look. Trust me, I KNOW how fabulous I look in that picture... I worked HARD to look that fabulous. So don't let the rainbows & butterflies fool ya. Mama's got a system.
I've been thinking about this a lot as I struggle to lose the last of my baby weight. (How long can I blame it on the baby? Five years? Ten?) I'm not one of those girls who pops out a kid & goes back to her high school body the next day. (I've been telling myself that I was too skinny in high school, anyway.) I gain the allotted 45 pounds when I have babies. They say that's how much you can gain, & damnit, I am gonna gain it! Sometimes I am an overachiever & even gain more. When I'm pregnant, I don't really WANT to work out. I don't really want to work out when I'm NOT pregnant. I'd rather lay on the couch & watch "The Real Housewives of Wherever" while eating french fries & ice cream. So that's kind of what I do.
Here's the thing, friends. I will take full responsibility for being lazy while creating another life in my womb. (WOMEN - REAL SUPER POWERS - WE MAKE HUMANS!) But I'm so tired of obsessing about how I look after the fact. I beat myself up - badly. I get depressed. I say & think horrible things about myself. I tell my husband that I'm ugly. (He disagrees EVERY TIME, & I tell him to shut up.) So, I'm naming it. I'm calling out this crap so that I can be free from it, & maybe someone else can be too. I've made two babies - two beautiful babies! (Yes, Joe helped, but really? Come on. We all know who does the real work.) So who cares if I am not good at losing weight right away? I'm good at other things. Like getting kids on kick ass sleep schedules. And being fun. And encouraging people. And dancing (I'm SO GOOD at dancing). And being a DJ (Did you know that I can drop some fresh beats?!) I'm a pretty good wife, a decent mom, a sassy but loving daughter/sister/friend. So THERE, society. Suck it. I don't have to be skinny to be awesome.
Recently, Joe's grandma passed away. She was an amazing woman who I respected a lot. At her funeral, people were called to witness about her life. During that time, not ONE person talked about skinny Norma Stalker was. No one mentioned what size clothing she wore, or how fantastic she looked. Instead, person after person spoke of her love for Christ, her commitment to her family, & her passion for others. That is how I would love to be remembered... How about you?
This might seem a little heavy for some of you. I promise to be lighter the next time, whenever that will be. (Don't hold your breath!) But I couldn't shake the need to put this out into the Universe... Partly to help myself, but partly to help other women too. Because I know that I'm not the only one. So if you are reading this, & you feel a little chubby, or ugly, or all around BLAH, this is for you. You're not alone. And I think you look FANTASTIC.
Cheers!
PS - To my last eight pounds... I'm coming for you. So quit being an a-hole & back up off me.
