Here's to You, Ms. Turney

Mic check – one, two, one, two.  Mic check – one, two, one, two…  Is this thing on?  Ahem.  LADIES &  GENTLEMEN, BOYS & GIRLS!  I PROUDLY PRESENT… MY OPEN LETTER TO THE CEO OF VICTORIA’S SECRET.  Enjoy.

Dear Madam,

Happy Holidays to you and yours!  I trust that you had a lovely Thanksgiving, and are eagerly anticipating the most wonderful time of the year.  I know we have never met, and I hope that you don’t mind me dropping you a line. I just could not let one more year pass without telling you how I really feel about your company, and more specifically, that “fashion show” of yours.  

Can I be frank, Ms. Turney?  Your company bothers me a bit.  Actually, a lot.  You see, I’m an average looking gal with an average post baby body, and an average (okay, maybe small) chest.  Every day, I look in the mirror & tell myself that I am MORE than my pant size, MORE than my bra size, & MORE than the little wrinkles on my face.  I now have a baby girl, and someday, I will tell her these things too.  I will tell her that being smart IS sexy, that being funny IS hot, & that being kind IS more important than being popular.  She will be told every day that she is loved by the God of the Universe, and that He is the One who defines her worth, NOT boys, NOT money, and definitely NOT YOU.  But you’re not making it easy; not for me as a thirty something mama, not for my baby girl, and not for other females like us.  

I am confident that you are a very smart woman.  I am sure that you had to work hard to become successful, and that you are now enjoying the fruits of your labor.  I’m wondering, however, if anyone asked you how big your boobs were before you got the job.  No?  How about your waist size?  Yeah, me either.  Because you are smart, and savvy, and talented.   Your looks have nothing to do with your success, because it didn’t matter.  SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME AND MY DAUGHTER THAT IT DOES?  

The women you employ are gorgeous.  I am sure that they are fun, smart, and fabulous.  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of their bodies.  I mean, look at them!  I completely understand the idea behind modeling, and I know that they need to “look” a certain way.  (We can discuss the brokenness of the modeling world at another time.) I can respect them and their endeavors to become successful.  But when my husband (and soon, my son) sees your commercials, I GUARANTEE they are not thinking about the intelligence of those women.  And that holiday fashion show?  Girl, please.   You might as well broadcast that in July, because you and I both know it has NOTHING to do with the baby Jesus, Hanukkah, or any other holiday, for that matter.  (SIDE NOTE – No woman wants sexy lingerie from Santa. Give me jewelry, give me shoes, give me a gift card.  Want to make me mad at Christmas? Waste $100 on some bras that nobody is going to see.)

I read somewhere (Wikipedia –duh!) that you wanted to “dim the hooker looks” and move to more of a “Vogue lifestyle layout”.  I assume you wanted to make VS a little classy.  So do it.  Class it up.  Stop making stupid underwear that says “call me”.  Stop making commercials with women in Santa hats rolling around on the couch laughing at one another in their tiny bras & thong underwear.  WE DON’T DO THAT.  I lived in a sorority house for three years, and even THEN, WE DIDN’T DO THAT. Stop telling us we are not enough with our kindness, our brains, and our wit.  Because we are ENOUGH.  Smart is sexy, Funny is hot, Kindness wins.  So, there.  Stuff THAT in your diamond encrusted bra. 

Wishing you Many Blessings -
Tiffany Graham